I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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