i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
