I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
