What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
