my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
