You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
