It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
