Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
