worst night to have a conscience
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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