i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
