Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
too bad you live with your parents still
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
