What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
