thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
