I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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