i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
