Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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