my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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