Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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