I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
