So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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