How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
