I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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