I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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