I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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