Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
