lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
