My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
