long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dick has a subreddit
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
