I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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