I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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