All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
