He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
