saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
