wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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