apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
