return my video game
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Randomize
