I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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