I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
