i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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