Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
