My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize