They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
