pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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