She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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