We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
