No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
