I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
