found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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