I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
