Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
