i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
