omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
