I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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