first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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