I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
