we have officially lost it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
