I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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