whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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