overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She bit a glass in half.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
