how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
