So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
