The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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