hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
